Two days before we were supposed to leave for Thanksgiving Chuck's tires got slashed in our driveway. We both know that it was this kid who has a vendetta. Ironically on that same day the kid sent an adult(ish) to our home to try to convince Chuck to drop the charges. All of it made us feel very violated. We were going to cancel our trip to Texas because we didn't want to leave our dogs and a pet sitter in our house where they could be attacked. It was a huge blessing when John, our pet sitter, told us he would keep Baxter & Eddie at his house.
So we did end up going to Texas for Thanksgiving, and it was a very relaxing time with family. We really needed the break.
Things have been even keel since we got home - both of us have been extremely busy with work, and in between work and sleep, we have been making changes to the interior of our house. We kept thinking we really wanted to move, and we were really considering it. I hired a stager a few months ago, and she had some really great ideas. After all was said and done and we realized we couldn't go anywhere, we decided to still implement some of the changes that were suggested. AMAZING that a few changes can make you feel like you have a brand new home. We are both loving our house now and have no desire to go anywhere (even though the kid still lurks). I think this is a huge blessing from God - the house changes - really the whole progression of things. We have been on a tight journey with God, and He has been faithful to steer us in the right direction when we were trying to take the complete opposite path...He has shown us such wonderful things along the way. We have grown in our marriage and grown as a family in this process - it has been an incredible experience.
We still don't feel settled - there are still some pieces that need to fall into place, but I believe that is a process, and we have to walk it out. This is a tremendous time of healing from old wounds. In addition to that we are at a growing point for my business - it is time to hire people and expand into other parts of Cobb County. Just waiting on the proper timing and a clear enough head to move forward with that. I'm still struggling with my desire to be a mom. It is just not a desire I can lay down. With each passing day it seems that I lose hope - it is like a constant yo-yo in my mind -one day I'm full of hope, and the next I am hopeless. It has been especially hard this year with the holidays. I've never experienced this sadness at Christmas, but whenever I see little kids doing what little kids do I feel a pang in my heart that I've never felt before. I would definitely go ahead and start adoption proceedings if it was financially possible, but it isn't.
I guess when you break things down it doesn't seem like that much:
1. having space from family drama and healing
2. growing a business
3. having a baby
4. keeping crazy kids away :)
5. finishing touches on our house
I guess writing this was therapeutic - cleared up some of the clouds in my head. I've been so overwhelmed for some reason.
At the end of the day life is great! I have been blessed beyond measure. I know a love that is so great it is hard to comprehend. I also know that because of that love all things will fall into place - maybe not the place I would put them, but a place that is far better than I could imagine.
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