Nothing in particular

As the holiday season gets closer so does the drama. I really had intended for this Christmas to be focused solely on Christ - the real meaning of Christmas. I wanted it to be a small, intimate celebration. As usual family gets involved and it turns into something completely different until I dread it all together. Shame on me for letting that happen I suppose, but sometimes it happens so quickly you don't realize it was even happening. Feels like I was just dropped out of a tornado and am inspecting for damages. At the end of the day I will make the best out of the situation that I can. I have to keep reminding myself what Christmas is about and not get distracted by hurt and bitterness. I didn't realize I had bitterness in my heart until I woke up this morning. After all the drama yesterday I woke up feeling like I am in the middle of some deceitful spider web full of lies and hurtful words. I just want to be plucked out of the web and run as far and fast as possible never to look back. I guess I really just don't understand for the life of me how your family members act like they adore you to your face, and in the same minute they turn around and say mean things about you to another family member. I absolutely can't stand it when they tell you something about someone else and then say "don't tell them I said it". If you have to say that, then you shouldn't be saying it at all. I understand that we all grow up with painful things and circumstances (yes, some worse than others), but at some point you have to be accountable for your own actions - your circumstances can no longer be an excuse. It is never okay - the damage that is done because of your selfishness can't be undone. Now I am at a point where I just don't want to deal with any of it. The good news is that I finally see the truth of who I am. These hurtful things no longer hurt me because they are just lies. The truth has set me free. However, all of these hurtful things are causing me to drift further and further away. That is not what I want my life to be about or the life of my future children and family. This is definitely a season of taking stands in my life. You can give people a million chances, and at some point you just have to realize that you don't want to be at the receiving end of all of the ugly, manipulative crap. I use to feel the need to put up with such treatment because it was family, and that is the only family you are going to have...blah blah blah. Well, hopefully each person in our family is saved, and we will all be together in heaven where there is no pain, sorrow, backstabbing or hurt, but on this side of eternity I don't have to put up with it any longer. Enough is enough. ...and that is how I feel about that.

So I guess my "Nothing in particular" title turned into full fledged venting on family drama. Oh well.