The real thing I wanted to talk about today are struggles that so many people around me (myself included) seem to be having lately. The common thread in all of it is our identity. Hang with me as I try to make my way through this post - it is something that has been on my mind heavily all day.
Last year I attended a workshop at Grace Ministries International that really opened my eyes and more importantly, my heart, to a lot of truths that I had been missing. I will try to sum up the things I learned for you. Of course all of this is from a Christian perspective, but it applies to everyone.
When we are born we all have basic needs: love, security, worth, acceptance, etc. Also, when we are born, we are unsaved - our spirit is dead. What I know as a Christian is that only God can fulfill these needs. So, what are we to do since we are born unsaved? Basically, we look to our families, friends, and circumstances to get our needs met. No human can meet these needs for us, so what ends up happening is this: we let our families, friends and circumstances dictate and define who we are. This looks different for everyone - for me an example is that I always felt like my feelings weren't important. I wasn't allowed to voice them or complain or be upset. I felt like it was my place to 'settle' for whatever was given to me - I had no worth. I was just there - in the way. From others I have talked to: "I'm a bad girl - everything is my fault - I deserve bad things to happen to me" or "I'm a bad son - I don't measure up - I'm a failure - I can't do anything right - no one loves me because of that". Of course these things aren't the truth for any of us, but that is how we are programmed to think - usually from a very early age. We develop 'flesh patterns' to try to get our needs met (the same basic needs I talked about earlier - love, acceptance, etc.). We have to try to meet our own needs when those around us aren't doing it for us and when we don't trust God to or even know God. Basically, a flesh pattern is us trying to meet our own needs independently of God. Let me give an example of what that looked like in my situation. My flesh pattern was to run and hide when I was upset - I had to protect myself from those that hurt me and didn't care about me. Another huge flesh pattern I developed was cleaning everything in sight until it was perfect. This was my way of controlling my environment since I couldn't control the way people treated me. It brought me some peace in my very dysfunctional life to be in a clean, organized environment. Someone very dear to me has a flesh pattern of always moving (not being able to be still while standing, driving, eating, talking, etc.). Everything in life is done with movement - that comes from being anxious all the time. The anxiety stems from his parents who would withhold their love from him every time he did something that they didn't like or approve of - he would literally be ignored sometimes for days at a time with the undertone that he didn't measure up. This literally has gone on into his late 20s.
After we accept Christ, our spirit comes to life. Christ is eternal life. We no longer have to depend on ourselves to meet our own needs. Christ is there to meet them always! That really isn't the easiest thing in the world to understand - after all - this is something we have never experienced. Our mindsets don't just magically change. I'll be honest when I say to you that I didn't have my 'a ha' moment until I had been walking with Christ for 7 years. I'm not saying that it will take everyone else this long. There is no magic formula. I have been going through inner healing for about 5 of these 7 years. Christ met me in so many of the circumstances that I had experienced growing up that made me believe the lies about myself that I believed, and He touched my heart profoundly. It has been a process - but through it all I still didn't fully get it.
Some major things that were life changing for me:
1. We are a spirit that has a mind/soul and lives in a body.
2. We are in Christ and Christ is in us. (huge thing to understand)
3. Even after we accept Christ, we still have flesh patterns. These flesh patterns will always be there (until we have died and are perfected in Christ), however, Christ within us becomes much larger than our flesh. We build relationships with Christ (just like we do with anyone else - through spending time with Him - in the Word, through prayer, in worship). The more we get to know Him, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the easier it is to give Him our struggles and hurts and let Him fix them rather than relying on our old flesh patterns that really never worked - they were just a band aid.
Let me see if I can expand on number 2 - We are in Christ and Christ is in us: When we are born, we are in Adam (first human). Since Adam was spiritually dead, we were born spiritually dead. We took on all traits of Adam - we were sinners and all that entailed. We were born on the pathway to hell. After we accept Christ, we are no longer in Adam, but we are in Christ. We then become the offspring of God and take on all traits of Jesus. We have now stepped into eternal life (it was there long before we were saved), and remember Jesus is eternal life (thus we are in Christ). At this time our spirit comes to life with the Holy Spirit thus Christ is in us as well. If we are in Christ, what that means is we were also on the cross with Him when He died for our sins. When He was buried and resurrected, so were we. Let me try to make this a little clearer. Here is where my big 'a ha' moment comes in - all of the lies I believed about myself (which were a cause of the things dictated by my family, friends, circumstances) were also on that cross. That wasn't the real me - that was the me I had to be in order to survive in this world without Christ. All of the hurtful things that had been said about me that wounded me to the core were on that cross. I no longer feel the need to defend myself against attacks or hurtful words or actions. The way I see it is that people around me don't really know me (mostly due to their own wounds and flesh patterns) so they attack what they think is me - only it isn't. I'm okay with that. I know the truth - I am a daughter of God. I am a saint (and yes I sometimes sin and always will until I am perfected in Christ). God will always love and accept me no matter what anyone else thinks. He will always be there for me (even when I was so used to being abandoned by those on earth that I loved). His love for me has nothing to do with my performance. He loves me just as He loves His son, Jesus. That was scary for me to say for the first time, but it is true. He loves you that much also...regardless of all circumstances.
What helps me more than anything is to take my wounds or false personas that others have given me and envision them on the cross - buried and gone forever.
As a Christian, our identity is in Christ. We are all things that is Christ. As Christians it seems that most of us fail to take on our new identity when we are born again - we stay tangled up in the lies and hurts of our old, usually false, identity. We don't know any better, unfortunately, in most cases. Scripture says that the truth sets us free - indeed it does.
It is my sincere prayer for anyone that reads this that God will open your heart to the truth about who you are, and that you would receive it in your heart!
