I was thinking as I was driving around - sometimes I have pangs of jealousy. I know that isn't right, but we can't really help how we feel - only what we do with how we feel. In the midst of that feeling I had the most wonderful revelation. I should only focus on my life - it is my love story from God. Not all of it has been Godly, mind you, but all of it has led me down a path to get to where I am today. While my life doesn't look like what I dreamed of it looking like, it is actually so much better. My life is a story. It definitely isn't a fairy tale, but it has a fairy tale ending - of that I can be sure. In reality - who really wants a fairy tale - yes, I have to stop and ponder that for a minute and be sure that is really not what I want :). Really, in my heart of hearts it isn't. That isn't the way I am wired. Had I not gone through all of the things I have gone through, I wouldn't be nearly as compassionate and full of mercy. I love that I have a big heart, even though it has gotten beat up and broken more times than I care to recall. It is, indeed, much easier to say this at this point in my life. If you had asked me 20 years ago, I would have opted for the fairy tale. It is so crazy how much we change over the years and how much our perspective on life changes.
My life is full - fuller than I ever dared to imagine it could be. I know love like I never even knew I could. I am so in love with Jesus and with my husband and dog children and my children in heaven and whatever children on earth God has for us. I have had so many twists and turns in my life, but had I not had them, how would I even be able to have so much love to appreciate?
My story has been a long 40 years, but it has been an extremely interesting novel up to this point. I am looking forward to what each day holds - good, bad and indifferent - each days brings me closer to my love.
