God is good!

I was reading some posts on Facebook today.  I realized how much people say God is good when their prayers are answered.  That seems so strange to me - it's almost like you are telling God "good job" or "well done" when He does things the way you want them done.  It's almost like God's praise is based on His performance.

The truth is that God is good all of the time.  Even when your prayers aren't answered.  Ultimately God answers prayers that are prayed according to His will.  We don't always know what His will is, but we do know that everything works together for good for those that are called according to His purpose.

I've been through quite a few hard things in my life.  What I know is that the outcome has so many times not been what my heart has desired no matter how fervent my prayers were.  Ultimately I prayed God's will be done not mine.  I know there was purpose in my circumstances.  It didn't make the situation any easier.  What made the situation easier was feeling the embrace of God through it all.  Walking through painful things on this earth made me draw closer to God.  He gave me peace.  He made me realize that no matter what life throws me, I can just lay down and weep.  I don't have to be strong.  He is strong in my place.  He will pick me up and carry me until I can walk again.  Negative outcomes don't mean God loves me any less.  I know that He weeps when I weep.  He wipes away my tears, and He heals my heart.

You never know how you are going to respond to things until you walk through them.  I'm thankful for my walks with God during the painful times even when my heart was broken into pieces.  I pray that everyone that is quick to tell God how good He is when all goes well will remember how good He is when things aren't going well.  I hope and pray that those people will see just how much God loves them regardless of circumstances.

He is so beautiful.  He touches my heart in a way that words can't explain.  He is so strong and all encompassing.  His love is like the wind - strong and swaying and powerful at times, and at others times so gentle with an ever so soft breeze that lightly brushes and caresses.  Sheer perfection!

Easter 2012

I'm not sure where to start. My heart feels so jumbled...so many memories. It's almost like I've seen the last 33 years flash before my eyes and heart today. For so many years I have associated Easter with death - my daddy died 33 years ago at Easter - April 12, 1979. In 2009 I had the best Easter ever - I realized what the true meaning of the resurrection was about...not just the cross, but the cross and the resurrection! The resurrection is about living and life and beauty and love - it truly embodies the abundant life that Christ has for us. I finally had the revelation that my daddy wasn't dead - neither were my sweet babies - they are all in heaven fully alive and in the most glorious of places.

It's strange today that I woke up so sad - like so many other easters - feeling the pain of that day. I keep having flashbacks of the funeral - of feeling alone there - watching the one that loved me like no other being torn away from me.

Sometimes it feels like I have just been floundering through life trying to survive - but I have to ask am I trying to survive or am I trying to get to the end? Something is missing in my heart, and I know what it is, but I don't know how to get it back. Maybe it's harder to get it back when all hope is gone of past dreams. I need some new dreams. I need a new level of intimacy with my Love. I need Him to give me direction. I feel empty and fruitless.

I feel like today is a day to grieve...to grieve lost dreams, broken heartedness, old hurts and wounds, loss. It's time for those things to be nailed to the cross.

I'm 41 today - the same age my daddy was when he died. He died 33 years ago today - the same age Jesus was when He died on the cross for me. That seems significant to me. It also seems significant that 3 years ago I had so many life changing revelations - for 3 years I have been walking as who God says I am. Jesus ministered for 3 years.

I feel that tomorrow is a new beginning for me...I don't know why...that is just what I sense. It's a time to let go of things and begin again with new life - new wineskins. I get a picture of God sifting the things from me that are of Him - my heart, my love, my wisdom, my mercy, my compassion and moving them all to a new beginning - letting the old go.

I have been struggling lately - feeling like I 'peaked' in my 30s...that is quite depressing, and it is also completely a world view - that is only important on this earth because society deems it that way. It is a struggle for me because I never felt I had acceptance from people important to me until I 'looked' a certain way. Chuck made some comment about my sweet Sammie Sosa being in heaven and having a new body the other day, when it dawned on me - I truly haven't peaked. I won't peak until I'm in heaven with a new body. This body is just temporary and it houses me - it doesn't define me. It was a nice revelation. I've known it in meaning for some time, but I think I just got it in my heart.

I hope the heaviness of today will be gone tomorrow. I hope I will have new dreams and songs in my heart. I pray for deep whispers of love and promise and hope. I pray for new kisses that are soft and sweet - kisses that will fill all of the holes of past hurts and disappointments. I pray for your gentleness to take my breath away each and every day. I pray that I find your beauty in simple things and that it touches my heart to the core. I pray that the raw emotion and openness of my heart will touch your heart to the core. I pray for new dances built upon a lifetime of love - effortless and flowing filled with love and passion - where our hearts are in perfect rhythm.

I look forward to a new day where the best is here and is yet to come.